so its natural for parents to fight. expecially when both of them were raised in compleately diffent enviorments. but when it turns physical, something is wrong.
one of those stupid saying i always hear is that people always look for their parents in their future partners. now its well known that mine are crappy parents. dads abusive, moms a drunk and an addict. so what is there to look for in them.
i always told myself i will find a man to erase all that my father has done to me. that is the total opposite. and there was this one guy i thought was him. but resently we got into a fight. a moajor one. it ended with him in jail and me in the er. now we had faught, and faught, and faught, ever since basicly our child was conseaved. but i hadn’t care. i wanted a real family. i thought he would be a part of that real family. but it took getting hurt and him going to jail to realise that that he is exactly who ive been running from. now this wasnt my first rodeo, wasnt my first black eye or chipped tooth, but it wasnt suppose to happen again. i had promised myself i wasnt going to ever let my baby come near that again, and there she was, in his arms as he beat me to the ground. now some might ask, well what did you do. the answer: woke him up so that he knew the baby was at his appartment so that he could spend time with her, so that his brother, who had just got home from working the graveyard shift, could go to bed, and so that i could go to work.
he woke up, like usual, pissy, but this time it freaked our daughter out. she was screaming and crying and yelling mama mama wanting me to hold her. so i told him hand me the baby for i can calm her down and you need to go calm down so that your not scaring her. but he walks out of the house throwing things around. this immediately put me in a flash back. a flash back to the night i relized me and my daughter needed to call DSS and be removed from my fathers house, other wise we would end up dead soon. so ofcouse, being stuck in a moment i have been trying to bury for almost a year now, i reenacted it.
“give me my daughter, your scaring her. give me her give me her!” and he lashed out. he punched me lord knows how many times. i can rationally count two cause i didnt relize i was getting hit till i started blacking out and feeling dizzy.
no i have no idea what to do. i have know idea how to deal with this. ive worked so very hard to get my daughter away from this kind of thing and he does this with her in his arms.
im scared.
i need some help.
yeah so its know to people that I’m a teen mom. i got pregnant the end of my freshmen year of high school, gave birth in my sophomore year, and I’m about to start my senior year. what a few people know is that i am in foster care with my daughter. my family was not the kind of family you want to be in. both of my grandmothers are addicts, my mom is an addict and an alcoholic, my dad is abusive, and i don’t exactly have a spot free record myself.
one thing i want most of all is for my daughter to not have to be in that situation. that’s why were in foster care together. i called the cops on my father cause he had been abusing me almost all my life and i was afraid he would turn on her.
now were trying to move in with her dad’s family, his aunt and his uncle. Were so close to having all the legal things finish. but then he drops a big bomb on me.
“I HATE YOU. I NEVER WANTED TO BE A FATHER. I NEVER CARED FOR EITHER OF YOU”
And so i cried,
and cried,
and cried,
and cried.
But as I’m crying I’m realizing.
“why am i crying? he never even made an effort to care. i should be grateful”
and i am
but
i have no family other then my daughter. all she has is me and him. he has his whole family. yeah they say that they would rather kick him out in a heartbeat then kick me and the baby, but blood is thicker then water. i guess when they wake up we will see if they were telling the truth.
all i ever wanted for her is to have a better life then i had. all he ever wanted was to be peter pan and never grow up. i cant blame him for that one, but for a whole different reason. he is 2 years older then me and i am more mature then him. he is still a kid. me on the other hand… I’ve never had a childhood. sometime i wish i could just be a kid for the last few months i have before i turn the big one-eight. before i am officially an adult.
all i wanted for her all i wanted for me too was a family.
my lifes a thousand kinds of screwed up
